Welcome to Week 7 Team Blitzed! We’ve blinked and the NFL regular season is nearly half way complete. Perhaps the better way to look at it is that certain NFL fans - I’m looking at you Raiders, Giants, Colts, and Cardinals fans - are coming around from a wicked drinking binge to begin the season and realizing they’re already looking forward to next year with one hell of an ‘18 hangover that no amount of Gatorade or Tylenol will cure.
Niners fans, I feel for you. You’re that guy that comes in the bar with the beautiful, amazing, well-put-together date that everyone is jealous of. But after a couple drinks and a shot or two, or in NFL terms an ACL tear or two, she gets a little sloppy, loud and starts to belt out a terrible karaoke version of ‘I Would Do Anything for Love’ by Meatloaf. Now, no one at the bar wants to be you anymore. Sure, everyone is rooting for you to overcome the injuries, but if you expect to do the same thing to the Rams that you did to the Packers last week, then I definitely over-served you and it’s time to go - and please take your off-key, hammered girlfriend with you. Ariana Grande, she ain't.
But I digress. The reason the Rams are the only remaining undefeated team is because the Kansas City Chiefs ran into the annoying buzz-saw called the New England Cheatriots… er Patriots on Sunday Night Football. The Chiefs offensively were impressive. They racked up 446 yards on 53 plays and averaged an unreal 8.4 yards per play. Mahomes is the real deal. The defense is another story. Clearly they’ve been pre-gaming with Raiders, Giants and Colts fans because they have yet to show up for a game. Additionally, the refs were obviously drunk because they didn’t call a single penalty on the Patriots all night.
The Chiefs (5-1) have truly impressed me, even against the hated Patriots and for this reason I have chosen their matchup with the Bengals (4-2) on Sunday Night Football as my Blitzed Barkeep’s Game of the Week. The Bengal’s defense is currently ranked 29th in the NFL allowing 409.2 yards per game. Their pass defense is also on pace to set the team record for yards allowed in a season, having given up 1,818 passing yards through 6 games already. These all seem like reasons why the Bengals are going to be tossing a few back after this game is over. So, what would your Blitzed Barkeep recommend to ease the pain that Patrick Mahomes and Co. could potentially put up at home this week on the Bengals? Funny you should ask…
The Bengal Tiger Martini
1 ½ oz Brandy
½ oz Cointreau (orange liquor)
½ oz Luxardo Maraschino Cherry Liquor
1 oz pineapple juice
Directions: Combine ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake vigorously. Strain into a cocktail glass (or a rocks glass) and serve.
Blitzed Build: Freeze Chocolate syrup stripes inside the glass for ten minutes prior to serving to create a Bengal Tiger effect.
The first Blitzed Barkeep recommendation comes from Cincinnati. The feeling here is that the Bengals are in for a long night Week 7. Let’s play devil’s advocate, pour yourselves one and close your eyes for a second though. The drink has almost the same color hair as the Red Rifle Andy Dalton. He did send a team to the playoffs last year (not his own, however - Buffalo thanks you Mr. Dalton) so he performs well under pressure and on the road. As I said before, KC doesn’t really play defense so if the Bengals can convince the refs to come drinking again, they may have a chance! A stop here, a turnover there and we have a Bengals upset on the road, 35-34.
Apparently two or three of these martinis make you delirious. The reality is that the Chiefs simply have too much firepower for this Bengals defense to overcome. This bartender has been around long enough to know that no amount of alcohol will give this Bengals offense confidence to keep up and the Chiefs will want payback for last week’s loss. Without drinking any Bengal Tiger Martinis, I’ll take Kansas City in this one 45-31.
That’s all from your Blitzed Barkeep for now. Remember to drink responsibly, take Brady’s name in vain and always give your keys to a friend if you’ve had too much. And make sure you tune in to Blitzed NFL on Tuesday to hear the guys review the Bengal Tiger Martini.
Follow the @Blitzed_Barkeep on Twitter
Blitzed Barkeep. You can follow Blitzed Barkeep on Twitter.