How to Hit An NFL QB

Welcome back to the Scouting Report, Team Blitzed! Week 2 of the NFL season is in the books and it was one of the most entertaining NFL Sundays in recent memory.

A quick recap:

• Vontae Davis was so mad that Bills Mafia wasn’t allowed to jump through tables that he quit the organization at halftime
• Tom Brady’s motivational strategy of yelling at his teammates from a far distance didn’t help him outperform Blake Bortles
• Ryan FitzMagic threw for 400 yards AGAIN as the Bucs find themselves 2-0 and one win away from a full-blown quarterback controversy
• Patrick Mahomes is either the greatest quarterback ever or the Chiefs will peak in September yet again.
• Kickers, the car insurance equivalent of NFL positions, showed once again that they are irrelevant until you absolutely need them to save your ass.

Week 2 was the week of the wild finishes, as you already know from listening to the latest and greatest episode of Blitzed NFL Radio. The wildest finish of the them all goes to the most exciting ending in sports: the tie.

The Packers and Vikings made it two straight weeks of NFL games ending in participation trophies as the league is being slowly overrun by millennials. After Kirk Cousins threw what should have been a game ending interception late in the 4th quarter, a yellow flag changed the course of the entire game. Clay Matthews was called for roughing the passer after he…gently brought Cousins to the ground.

Every human with a functioning brain agreed that the call was horrible. The NFL, however, decided the catch rule isn’t pissing us off enough and we need to be dumbfounded by roughing the passer calls as well. Here’s how the NFL doubled down after the game:

Yep… That incredibly perplexing call at the end of the game, that nobody understood, will now literally become the blueprint for roughing the passer penalties in the NFL.

Fear not, Blitzed Fam. The Scout is here to un-muddy the waters and teach you how to rush the quarterback in 2018.

How to hit a modern day
​NFL QB

Step 1: If you have an elite, generational pass rusher, DON’T FUCKING TRADE HIM!

Step 2: Figure out how much your target is worth.

Von Miller, celebrity chicken farmer and erstwhile NFL defensive end from Denver, said that you can no longer hit quarterbacks low after Brady tore his ACL, and you can no longer hit quarterbacks high after Rodgers broke his collarbone. The NFL is protecting the stud QBs in an effort to keep the face of each franchise healthy.

Rodger Goodell is making it clear: don’t hurt the good ones. While Kirk Cousins isn’t necessarily “good” like Rodgers, that fully guaranteed deal makes him untouchable, as we saw on Sunday.

​We've obtained a technical breakdown from the NFL Officials Office of where quarterbacks are allowed to be hit:

$500K-$999K — this is the “who the eff is that?” range where the NFL doesn’t care if you decapitate the signal caller. Go ahead and kill this guy,. He's probably a third stringer and his team is already dead.

$1M-$5M — we don’t want to roll out the body bags for these QBs but Goodell won’t lose any sleep if you cripple anyone in this range. Nobody tunes in to see Jacoby Brissett on Sunday.

$5M-$20M — we’re starting to get serious now. Here is the Case Keenum, Ryan Tannehill, and Andy Dalton range. Don’t hurt these guys and ruin their teams’ playoff chances. After all, this is all these fans have to hang their fleeting hopes on. Tackle them clean in the mid-section. Let them ruin their own playoff chances with their mediocre play.

$20M+ — The so-called 'elite QB' zone, which includes anyone from Russell Wilson and Big Ben to Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees. These guys lead their teams to Super Bowls and are the handful of players that even the casual fan knows about. A perfect hit is required here.  And boy, it better be perfect.

The Brady Zone — Before today thought to be just a myth, but very much a real policy. Unless you can scrape a fingernail on the ball without making any contact whatsoever with Tom Brady or making him feel bad, don't even bother trying. Anything more than that is an automatic 15-Yard penalty. 

The Cam Newton Zone -- Pretty much the inverse of the Brady Zone.

Step 3: Don’t Rush the Passer
Better safe than sorry. Drop 11 guys back in coverage and double-team every single receiver, running back, and tight end. Make the offensive line completely useless. Most importantly, it will confuse the hell out of everybody on offense and maybe something good will happen.

Do you have any good suggestions for rushing the passer in today’s NFL? Tweet them to @BlitzedNFL and @Blitzed_Scout!

Author

The Scout. You can follow the Scout on Twitter.