Welcome into 5 to Thrive, 5 to Dive. In this weekly write-up, I’ll try to predict which players will outperform their weekly FantasyPros rank (Thrives) and those who will underperform (Dives). This isn’t a start-sit piece. It’s simply telling you who has a chance to do what this week. Week 4 had some pretty big misses (Chubb and Godwin as Dives, whoops), but overall was a decent showing as I went 5-4-1 in my calls and that’s counting an L for Terry McLaurin after he was declared inactive. Let’s get to Week 5. ​

David Montgomery, RB Chicago Bears
(FantasyPros Week 5 Rank: 20)
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Are we doing this again? Yes. Yes, we are. Do I love this man? Maybe. This is now David Montgomery’s 3rd appearance on the Thrives list early in the season. What can I say? I’m a sucker for DMont even though Matt Nagy hasn’t totally bought in yet. The bald, visor-wearing 2nd year coach is starting to show signs that he’s shaking off his stupidity. In the last 3 weeks, the rookie from Iowa State’s snap percentages have only gone up.

• Week 2: 44%                
• Week 3: 67%                
• Week 4: 69%

In that time, his carry count has been solid (18, 13, 21). Da Bears get to take on the Raiders this Sunday in London. Oakland’s defense hasn’t been terrible against the run, but I’m still a fan of this spot. Chase Daniel will be behind center for Chicago this week and what are they gonna do, let him throw it? Fuck that noise. We’re taking another ride on the Montgomery train.

Alshon Jeffery, WR Philadelphia Eagles
(FantasyPros Week 5 Rank: 23)
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In the words of the great Aldous Snow, “Who could be scared of a Jeffery?” The big bodied WR for the Eagles finds his way on the Thrives this year for several different reasons. The first and probably the most important is that Philly’s offense is a dynamic one as it continues to get healthy. Beyond that, the former Gamecock (what a name) has a great individual matchup against the Jets’ Darryl Roberts who has struggled mightily this season to say the least. After defeating Green Bay last Thursday, Jeffery has had a little extra rest time for his injury so he should be back to 100%. In our case, we’re going to hope that leads to more red zone looks from Carson Wentz for the WR. Fire up Alshon with confidence on Sunday.

Calvin Ridley, WR Atlanta Falcons
(FantasyPros Week 5 Rank: 25)
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Some calls are just a hunch. This is one. Ridley and the Falcons will take on the Texans on Sunday, and they’ve struggled a little bit against opposing passing attacks to start the season surrendering 260 yards/game and have given up the 9th most fantasy points to WRs. The 2nd year wideout from Alabama does have a great one-on-one matchup this coming week against 93 year old Jonathan Joseph. How is this guy still playing? I feel like he’s been in the league since 1991. Regardless of his age, he’s not setup for the most success against a supremely talented WR. The Falcons need to get this young man going, though. After lighting it up in the first 2 weeks, Ridley has gone for 4 catches for 38 yards the last two weeks. That’s not gonna get it done. It starts to change this week.

Welcome into 5 to Thrive, 5 to Dive. In this weekly write-up, I’ll try to predict which players will outperform their weekly FantasyPros rank (Thrives) and those who will underperform (Dives). This isn’t a start-sit piece. It’s simply telling you who has a chance to do what this week. After lighting the world on fire by going 7-1-2 in Week 2, I came crashing back to Earth in Week 3 with a 4-5-1 record. That’s still decent (I shoot for about 50%) but ideally we’d have a higher hit rate. That’s where Week 4 comes in.
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NOTE: Due to a busy work week, these write-ups will be a little shorter than usual. My apologies but it’s free, so don’t bitch too much now. ​

Hello, Blitzers. It’s MZE back with another shot just for you. This time it’s a little different than my trip down memory lane. This past weekend I made some memories in Orchard Park, NY, with my friends from the Bills Mafia. Last season I made my inaugural trip to New Era Field for the Titans/Bills game. At that time I had no real AFC affiliation and that day I was repping the Titans. Long story not worth talking about. That day I met the Blitzed Barkeep and immediately felt a kinship to this fan base. It was a great game won by the Bills on a Steven Hauschka field goal. While that particular day was not my greatest experience, it started something life changing for me. In December of 2018 my friend Lora, who I met on Twitter (you can follow her here) and in person the first time that day in October, invited me to the season finale against the Dolphins. I borrowed her Bruce Smith jersey and repped the 716.

​The Bills buried the Fins, Kyle Williams caught the only pass in his pro career, and I had an AFC team to call my own. I had made a few other Bills Mafia friends, thanks to the Bills-Vikings game and my praise for the Bills performance. They asked me if I was coming for the home opener against the Bengals this season and I couldn’t say no. I hopped in my car and made the four plus hour ride. When I got there I found my friends, Mike and Celeste, who have a Bills-themed wedding planned for next year. ​

​They actually made the final cut for a chance to be married at halftime of the Bills-Patriots game but the honor went elsewhere. It was great seeing them and after a quick visit, it was time to visit the legendary Red Pinto Tailgate for a bit.

The real show though is, “The Bowling Ball Shot.” The rules are simple. You step up to the portable bar and they pour a cherry liquor that makes cough syrup seem tasty into the holes of an old bowling ball. Guests then pick up the ball, down the shot, drop the ball to the ground, and sound the horn. Don’t worry though, it’s very sanitary. They wipe down the ball with baby wipes after every shot.

​After a little time at the Pinto party, my friend, Lora, arrived. We went to Lot 7 to hang out with the Bills’ Stormtrooper. Yes, they have a Stormtrooper and it’s glorious. Lora usually brings a box of shots and they always have Jell-O shots in syringes for the guests. Lora has a plan for every home game. Drink early, stop by noon, and be ready to get home safely after the game. She has it down to a science and it always works. Everyone is invited whether they know you or not. In time, you become family. There’s always a group picture before kickoff it’s tradition. The call of, “Hey a-holes! We’re doing the picture!” rang loud and we all took our spots. It’s not harsh. It’s just who they are. If you are at the game with Lora, be prepared to say hi to a lot of the Bills’ game day staff. She’s a season ticket holder and everyone there knows her. They’re all part of the family too.

T.Y. Hilton, WR Indianapolis Colts
(FantasyPros Rank: 14)

I swear that I don’t hate T.Y. Hilton. He is perpetually a dive for me and I can’t exactly explain it. He’s a tremendous football player but for some reason, I just don’t trust him all that much. Teams have to start figuring out that he’s the only weapon that the Colts have in the air right now (don’t bring Eric Ebron at me, please. I said weapon.) The Falcons could and should bracket Hilton and make others beat them. Not only should they do that, they should let shutdown corner Desmond Trufant shadow him everywhere (Trufant doesn’t traditionally shadow). Even if they don’t follow through with that strategy, Hilton could be in for a tough week. The Falcons have given up the fewest passing yards this season and that number is inflated by Kirk Cousins’ Week 1 performance of 98 yards, but this defense is improved in 2019. Hilton gets here a lot and usually burns me. Here’s to hoping that doesn’t happen again. ​

Thanks for reading. I really appreciate all of the views. Throw a follow at me on Twitter. I’ll make it worth your time. @Blitzed_Fantasy

1: I refuse to acknowledge the New England Patriots anymore in this column until I have to come playoff time. I’m disgusted that Antonio Brown stepped foot on the field this week.
2. The Bears may not be as good as I thought they were. The defense is still great. I’m worried about that offense.
3. Josh Allen is going to be really, really good when he puts it all together and he gets a true #1 WR. He doesn’t get enough credit.
4. I don’t care for the Dolphins but I feel bad for their fans.
5. Told you the Colts would still be pretty good.
6. Cam Newton’s shoulder is done. He may pull an Andrew Luck.
7. Patrick Maholmes will break every record Brady ever has. And I’m rooting for him to do so.
8. Drew Brees has been the epitome of health. You know it was a weird week when both he and Ben Roethlisberger go down at the same time.
9. Baker Mayfield to OBJ could be a very scary duo.
10. When’s the last time someone in the NFL missed a game for mono? ​

The Saints are a talented team and Bridgewater is a capable backup who can hold the ship afloat until Brees returns. With games at Seattle, then home against the Cowboys and Bucs, on the road to Jacksonville and Chicago and finally back home against the Cardinals before their bye week, the Saints are more than capable of winning three, possibly four of those games that Brees will miss. If they can go 4-2 they will be in good shape. Don’t stress out Saints fans. I have faith in you.
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That’s all for now Blitzers. I’ll be back again next week with my Week 3 review of the guy’s show and what they’ll be drinking next. As always, remember to always take Brady’s name in vein, tip your bartenders on the way out and if you’ve had too much to drink, give your keys to a friend. ​

Hey, Blitzers. It’s MZE back for more fun and frolic from the football field…unless you’re a Dolphins fan. It appears that the Miami Dolphins are tanking to a level Rachel Phelps would envy. Two games into the season the Fish, who don’t even realize they're named after a mammal, are 0-2 and so far have been outscored 102-10 AT HOME. To keep that in perspective, the 2018 Chicago Bears didn’t allow their 102nd point until Week Seven of the season. To go even further, after two games the 2019 Dolphins have already allowed over a third of the points the Bears allowed for the entire 2018 season. One Fitzpatrick has already been traded to Pittsburgh. The other hasn’t even given the Dolphins his standard three games of hope at quarterback. From my experience, it's never as easy an explanation as 'they're tanking'. So what's behind this epic collapse in South Beach? Here are a four other factors that I believe may be contributing to this historically bad team. ​

Welcome into 5 to Thrive, 5 to Dive. In this weekly write-up, I’ll try to predict which players will outperform their weekly FantasyPros rank (Thrives) and those who will underperform (Dives). This isn’t a start-sit piece. It’s simply telling you who has a chance to do what this week. Let’s just say that Week 1 didn’t get off to a great start. I came in thinking I was spiting hot fiya and all I did was spit out shit. This week, things are gonna turn around. I believe it, and you need to as well. Let’s get to it. ​

David Montgomery
RB Chicago Bears (FantasyPros Week 2 Rank: 33)

To pick David Montgomery is to trust Matt Nagy. Can Matt Nagy actually be smart this week and not a total fuckin idiot? We’ll see. I’m going to roll the dice and trust that he’ll recognize the fact that the rookie from Iowa State is his most talented running back and should get the ball more than 6 carries and 1 reception like he did in Week 1 against the Packers. We were all obviously disappointed by that usage (38% snap rate) and need to see more from DMont if he’s going to return his draft day value. A road matchup with the Broncos could help. On Monday night, Denver gave up 113 total yards and 2 touchdowns against fellow rookie Josh Jacobs. If used correctly, Montgomery could see similar success. When Nagy uses the rookie correctly, he’s gonna feel real good about himself.


Cooper Kupp
WR Los Angeles Rams (FantasyPros Rank: 17)

Time for a Kupp check. In his return from a torn ACL, Kupp played on 90% of the Rams snaps while seeing 10 targets from rich-ass Jared Goff. He’s a trusted weapon who should continue to get even more comfortable as he sees more game action. This week, Los Angeles takes on the Saints in a rematch of the NFC Championship and is a game that screams shootout. Points should be scored fast and furious and I love Cooper Kupp this week not only for that but for his individual matchup. If he continues to play the majority of his snaps from the slot, he’s going to see a lot of PJ Williams. PJ Williams is no bueno. Cooper Kupp is going to eat him alive.
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Tyrell Williams
WR Oakland Raiders (FantasyPros Week 2 Rank: 33)
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A backup 6th round pick was 22 for 25 for 275 yards and 2 touchdowns in emergency action for Jacksonville against the Chiefs defense last week. I’m no fan of cool guy Derek Carr, but I’m thinking the Raiders passing game can find a way to have some success Sunday in Kansas City in a game where Oakland could have to play catch-up. And if the Raiders are going to have success, Tyrell the Gazelle Williams is going to play a big part of it. With the release of total asshole Antonio Brown, Williams is the de facto number 1 option in the passing game and proved that on Monday night against Denver going for 6 catches and 105 yards with a house call. The Raiders will move him all over the field to get him looks and should find WR2 value in Week 2.

The guys got one thing right- it is Over-Reaction Monday. Browns and Bears fans- relax. Rookies and marginal players who blew up in Week 1 may not produce again all year and superstars that were held in check will figure it out. It’s a long season. Let’s get into Your Barkeep's Week in Review:

1: The Patriots cheated again and told Antonio Brown before he was released they were signing him. Notice you haven’t heard a peep from Brown since?
2. The Bears are better than how they played Thursday night.
3. The Packers actually have a defense?? They were impressive.
4. How do the Buffalo Bills turn over the ball 4 times and still win the game? Defense. Really, really good defense.
5. The Indianapolis Colts will still be competitive without Luck. Not great, but competitive.
6. Did I mention the Patriots cheated?
7. I will literally give anything in the entire world for the Patriots to not make a 4th straight Super Bowl but after watching them Sunday night, I don’t know how that doesn’t happen.
8. Lamar Jackson is the real deal. Yes, I said it. Baltimore always known for their defense now has a scary offense.
9. I’m as confused as anyone by the Browns, but I think they’ll be alright. But they never should have gotten rid of Gregg Williams.
10. Oakland played lights out. Releasing Antonio Brown gave them a big sigh of relief and they played their game. They’re young, talented and hungry. ​
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It would be too easy to pick the Dolphins as my team and fan base that needed a drink of the week. I feel sorry for their fan base to have to go through what their organization is putting them through. That being said, there was no team this week that came into the season with higher hopes than the one who laid the biggest egg- the Cleveland Browns. I myself picked them as my AFC North division winners this year and well, they just did not look good. Therefore, the guys this week are going to be drinking to all our Browns Blitzed fans because hell. You need it. I give you, the Cleveland Browns Burnt Orange Old Fashioned. *Pay attention to the preparation* I’m talking to you Coach and Stats. ​
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Blitzed Build: In a small sauce pan, brown the sugar and orange juice. Don’t cook it too long or it will become very thick. Rub an orange peel around the edge of the glass you’ll be serving the drink it, so it gives it an orange flavor. In a shaker, add one slice orange rind, and 1 teaspoon burnt orange sugar. Muddle the orange rind and sugar together. Add 2 dashes bitters and stir, then add in 2 ounces bourbon whiskey, stir again. Pour over ice in a rocks glass.
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This is a little more involved and I’ve given the guys a week to prepare and practice how to make it. I’m sure they will try on Monday night for the first time and completely screw it up. If made correctly, this is an absolutely delicious twist on an original drink. Either way, Browns fans, I feel for you this week. You had high hopes and by the looks of your stadium mid-way through the 4th quarter, the majority of the dog pound was not pleased with the product that was put on the field to begin the 2019-2020 season. But as I said above, it’s a long season so relax. It will get better and I have faith in you. ​

That’s all for now Blitzers. I’ll be back again next week with my Week 2 review of the guy’s show and what they’ll be drinking next. As always, remember to always take Brady’s name in vein, tip your bartenders on the way out and if you’ve had too much to drink, give your keys to a friend.