Well Blitzers, that was quite a show, don’t you think? I don’t think words can describe what I just heard. In this bartender’s opinion, it was the guys' best show of the year. Stats Guy went OFF, Rookie had an epic monologue and well, you can hear it all here:
I’m saving my Super Bowl preview and prediction for next week’s column, as well as my drink of the week for then because THIS week is Blitzed NFL’s 50th Episode! Congrats guys on all the hard work, booze and procrastinating. Your livers thank you, and by that, I mean they really, really hate you. Coach still doesn’t know the name of my blog (it's called Behind the Sticks damn it… have you even read one thing I’ve written?) and I continue to be blamed for everything. Ah, I can feel the love. In honor of your 50th episode, I have decided to write the NFL a letter. Enjoy.
Dearest NFL and Commissioner Goodell,
It's me, the Blitzed Barkeep! I’d like to start off by saying this NFL season went by very fast. As you most likely know, we here at Blitzed like to drink and talk football. I’d like to air some thanks and some complaints out here about how this season went.
Thank you for giving us Andrew Luck back. Without him, there would be no Captain Andrew Luck twitter account, one of the funniest accounts on twitter. Simple yet hilarious.
Take back your referees and give us new ones. From start to finish they were awful yet again, culminating with that missed pass interference call in New Orleans as well the ever-phantom roughing the passer calls on Tom Brady. Did it hurt Tom?
Thank you for rookies such as Saquon Barkley, Darius Leonard, Derwin James, Josh Allen, Baker Mayfield and Phillip Lindsay. They continue to raise the bar and expectations for players coming into the league and were fun to watch.
Get rid of Thursday games. All it seems to do it cause a major injury to a star player (Richard Sherman, Doug Baldwin) as players don’t have enough recovery time after a Sunday game. Yeah it's nice for us to have games to watch during the week but they aren't usually competitive games and the players hate them. Plus if it's our team that's playing, it makes our Sundays boring and that much longer of a wait 'til the next Sunday.
Thank you for Patrick Mahomes. He burst onto the scene this year with Mahomes Magic and took the game to another level. He was a pleasure to watch and even more exciting to see take over the top spot in the AFC from the Patriots (baby steps people, baby steps). He’s going to be really good for a really long time.
For Pete's sake figure out what your penalties are! Are we calling a lowering the helmet call? Are we calling targeting? What the hell is a catch? And for god’s sake, what the hell is roughing the passer? Is it the same criteria for Tom Brady as it is for Cam Newton?
Thank you to the Kansas Chiefs for letting Kareem Hunt go after he was not honest and upfront about his situation regarding a woman in February. While I wish the statement released had said that they released him for simply attacking a woman and they will not stand for that, I applaud them for standing up for what’s right, valuing morals over talent. He will get a second chance somewhere next year after accepting his penalty but the message was delivered by Kansas City.
Similarly, NFL you need to be a bit more firm in your values and morals and not allow offenders to get third and fourth chances in your league. I may ruffle a few feathers here but people such as Josh Gordon getting so many chances frustrates me. There needs to be a better system in place regarding offenders getting the privilege to earn millions of dollars to play a game and be a role model to young people across the world.
Thank you for rivalries. They make the games better. They’re more competitive. The fans get into it and hate each other. The teams hate each other. More importantly, everyone circles those dates on their calendars and look forward to it every, single year. Seahawks - Niners; Broncos - Chiefs; Chiefs - Raiders; Ravens- Steelers; Bears- Packers; Cowboys- Insert NFC East Team Here; and lastly, Patriots vs Anyone. I mean look at those match ups! They hate each other and we dig it.
Get rid of London and Mexico City games. London games start at 9:30ET and 6:30PT and teams give up one of their home games for it. The stadium conditions are awful and fans there are not true home fans. Not to mention that teams such as the Chargers flew 6,000 miles for one of their ‘home’ games. I can’t honestly believe that the idea for a Super Bowl, an American HOLIDAY was actually floated to be played across the pond. Most people don’t even like the idea of the regular season being played there.
Thank you for the friendships, family gatherings and bonds that have brought people together for years because of their teams. Relationships have been built (and let’s face it, broken apart) because of the team loyalties that have gotten people through hard times as well as happy times together. Without the NFL, we wouldn’t have these relationships. For that, we do thank you. For most of us, we can’t wait until next year.
Lastly, stop letting the Patriots and especially Tom Brady get to the Super Bowl. We don’t like him. We don’t like them. Look at the declining price of secondary market Super Bowl tickets since the Pats got in. We're tired of seeing them in the Super Bowl. We’re tired of Julian Edelman. We’re tired of Gronk. We’re tired of Belichick. We’re tired of Kraft and his stupid white collars. Most of all, we’re tired of the Patriot fans walking around like they’re high and mighty because they've only known a Patriots team that's exceptional. Enough already. When you put an end to that, the rest of the NFL will start to love you a little more again. K? Go Rams.
The Blitzed Barkeep
Ok… on to the important stuff. Gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) this week I have prepared for your 50th episode a take on the classic Manhattan called the Mile-High Manhattan. I wanted you to have something you would enjoy on the this show and hopefully this would be it! If you don’t like it - oh well. I’m sure you’ll just hit some straight shots of Maker's Mark anyway.
MILE HIGH MANHATTAN
2 oz Maker’s Mark Bourbon
½ oz Vanilla Liqueur
½ oz Grand Marnier Liqueur
1 dash Chocolate Bitters
1 dash Orange Bitters
Blitzed Build: Combine ingredients into a shaker with ice. Stir gently and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with cherry or orange rind.
Well Blitzers, that’s all from your Blitzed Barkeep for now. Remember to drink responsibly, take Brady’s name in vain and always give your keys to a friend if you’ve had too much. Tune in to the Blitzed NFL podcast next Tuesday to hear the guys review this week’s drink of the week as well as preview and give their prediction for the Super Bowl. I’m guessing it will not end pleasantly for the Patriots.