Four Reasons why the Dolphins are Historically Bad.

Hey, Blitzers. It’s MZE back for more fun and frolic from the football field…unless you’re a Dolphins fan. It appears that the Miami Dolphins are tanking to a level Rachel Phelps would envy. Two games into the season the Fish, who don’t even realize they're named after a mammal, are 0-2 and so far have been outscored 102-10 AT HOME. To keep that in perspective, the 2018 Chicago Bears didn’t allow their 102nd point until Week Seven of the season. To go even further, after two games the 2019 Dolphins have already allowed over a third of the points the Bears allowed for the entire 2018 season. One Fitzpatrick has already been traded to Pittsburgh. The other hasn’t even given the Dolphins his standard three games of hope at quarterback. From my experience, it's never as easy an explanation as 'they're tanking'. So what's behind this epic collapse in South Beach? Here are a four other factors that I believe may be contributing to this historically bad team. ​

Drake has been used so infrequently in Miami he now appears on milk cartons.

Underutilizing Kenyan Drake

I may be wearing too much of a fantasy hat here, but I expected a lot out of this guy. After spending much of his first two seasons on the bench, Drake emerged in the final five games of the 2017 season putting up 444 rushing yards and showing promise as the next emerging star. Since then he’s had just 566 rushing yards in his last 18 games. What is it about Drake that the Dolphins don’t like? Is this because he went to Alabama where Nick Saban ended up after walking out on Miami? Are they holding a grudge against an innocent bystander? Guys, Nick Saban doesn’t care. He has taken you out of his contacts, unfriended you on Facebook, and moved on. Maybe you should too and find out what Kenyan has to offer.

Maybe Landry was worth a big contract after all.

Trading Jarvis Landry

In four years with the Dolphins, Jarvis Landry was the go-to receiver. He had 400 catches and 4,038 yards in receptions. The 400 catches were the most for a receiver in his first four years in the league. Jarvis and the Dolphins just couldn’t get along. He wanted a big deal and the Dolphins would have none of it. Know what they did to teach him a lesson? The Dolphins sent Jarvis from the shores of South Beach to the Flats of Cleveland. Hah! That’ll show him. Oh wait…

The injury prone Tannehill exposed the Dolphins lack of depth at QB

Drafting Tannehill with no Plan B

​Ryan Tannehill came to the Dolphins as the overall 8th pick of the 2012 NFL draft. He had a great career at Texas A&M, giving the Fins high hopes for the future. The Dolphins were all in on Ryan and never had a Plan B. He wasn’t bad but he really wasn’t very good. The team went 42-46 in his career starts and while he threw 124 TDs, he also threw 75 INTs. The Dolphins finally cut bait this season, allowing Tannehill to become the backup QB in Tennessee.  They traded with the Arizona Cardinals for Josh Rosen, who is just a year removed from being their first round draft pick. Rosen currently sits behind the man with the golden beard, Ryan Fitzpatrick, wondering what famous retirement community he’ll be traded to next.

Anyone remember Joe Philbin as Dolphins Head Coach? Neither do we.

No Stability on the Coaching Staff

The Dolphins have begun to go through coaches the way the Kardashian women go through NBA players. Since 2015 they are on head coach number four, offensive coordinator number five, and defensive coordinator number five. Do the coaches even know each other? You know these guys have to present ID every time they show up for work. It’s hard to find a winning combination when you wrote it down on a gum wrapper and flushed it down the commode.

The Dolphins were once a proud franchise, with the only unbeaten season in NFL history, a legendary coach in Don Shula, and a Hall of Fame quarterback in Dan Marino. Now their story is tragic, they can’t remember who the coaches are, and their quarterback has a better beard game than game plan. Somewhere Ray Finkel is smiling…or is it Einhorn?

Until next time, Blitzers, take your talents to South Beach at some point, talk about your favorite member of the Golden Girls, and hit the clubs like Crockett and Tubbs.
Yours in football,
MZE

Author

Mike Zimmers Ears is a Vikings fan and a regular columnist for Blitzed Football. You can follow him on Twitter here.