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Welcome to Week 9 Blitzers. Two things I love about being a bartender are serving drinks that people enjoy and people watching. First, the guys over at Blitzed NFL gave rave reviews to last week’s Purple Viking. Giving it a 9 out of 10 on the Blitzed Barkeep’s Booze scale, it led to some very questionable, albeit hilarious statements from our Blitzed Crew. If you missed it, check out this week’s podcast featuring a great guest Sir Yacht - an internet ranting sensation and die hard Browns fan.
The second thing I enjoy is how you get to people watch, or in this case, listen. You get to see people transform from sober to drunk as the night proceeds and it’s because of the drinks you make for them. I felt like that’s what happened on the podcast this week with the guys as the drinks continued to flow. It was entertaining to hear the show go on as they enjoyed the Purple Viking more and more. It was eerily similar to watching the teams from Florida this season as their once promising seasons have taken a clear detour from happy hour into the dreaded late night shot taking. My apologies to the Dolphins, Jaguars and Bucs fans but your teams efforts seem to be a bit frightening lately.
Speaking of frightening, it’s Halloween Week! I love Halloween. People come to the bar in costumes and flirt with each other because someone is dressed up like a sexy devil or muscle bound super hero. Then the lights come on, the make-up and masks come off and reality sets in. Once attractive costumed-clad patrons are now middle-aged divorcees with muffin tops and Dad-bods. Decisions are beginning to be questioned and definitely blamed on the booze. That being said, this Barkeep also saw plenty of tricks and treats come out of the NFL in Week 8. No, I’m not talking about TP-ing Bill Belichick’s house or throwing eggs at Tom Brady’s car (that was already done by our Blitzed Rookie two nights ago - also blamed on the vicious Purple Viking). Here were some Halloween specials that got my attention:
Green Bay Packers vs La Rams - TRICK
The Packers have one of the greatest 4th quarter artists of all time in Aaron Rodgers. We were denied seeing his magic due to a disgruntled WR-turned-RB-turned-returner-turned-Raven (shocking that he was traded shortly after the game) disobeying his coaches’ requests to kneel. Yep, you guessed it. Like your buddy who takes that last Tequila shot after being told they shouldn’t, he runs the ball out of the end zone, vomits it up to Rams, and ends the chances to win the game for the upset-minded Packers.
Houston Texans vs Miami Dolphins: TREAT
After a dismal 0-3 start, the Houston Texans ‘puke and rallied’ back to life with 5 straight wins and now have a 1.5 game lead in the AFC South. Deshaun Watson put on his Sherlock Holmes costume and solved the Miami Dolphins defense to the tune of 16/20 for 239 yds with 5 TD passes. That’s right, he had more TDs than incompletions. Lamar Miller even looked like his old self (133 yards, 1 TD). Just when it appeared a negative could come out of this game with the loss of DeAndre Hopkins’ drinking buddy Will Fuller (torn ACL), the front office reloaded and traded for former Broncos WR Demaryius Thomas. Isn’t it great when you have that one friend show up just when things get rough to keep the party going?
Cleveland Browns vs Pittsburgh Steelers: TRICK
Halfway through the 3rd quarter in the Cleveland- Pittsburgh game, Pittsburgh had just forced a safety which means that Cleveland had to free kick. The problem here is that no one on the Pittsburgh return team knew that you had to field the ball on a free kick, allowing the ball to roll 10 yards behind any Steeler on the field. The Browns jumped on the Pittsburgh gift, scoring shortly thereafter and cutting their deficit to 16-12. I tried telling Pittsburgh not to open that bar tab with the brand new credit card but they didn’t listen. Hey, free gifts and shots for everyone apparently. Fortunately they closed out their tab before doing any more damage and won the game 33-18. What’s sure to be a TREAT this week, is my game of the week. Last week, I didn’t give enough credit where credit was due and I picked against Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints (6-1). This week they have a chance to knock off the Rams (8-0) as two high flying offenses go head to head. Both teams score over 30 points a game (LAR- 33.0 and NO- 33.4 to be exact), both offenses average over 400 yards a game (LAR- 455.5 and NO- 400 even) and both are right around 300 yards passing per game. This is a great game for a New Orleans classic drink, don’t you think?
Vieux Carre (VEEOO ka-RAY):
3/4 oz Rye Whiskey 3/4 oz Cognac 3/4 oz Sweet Vermouth 1 tsp Benedictine liquor 1 dash Peychaud’s Bitters 1 Dash Angostura Bitters Ice Lemon Twist for garnish Blitzed Build: Place the whiskey, cognac, vermouth in a mixing glass. Add the Benedictine liquor, then both bitters. Fill the mixing glass halfway with ice. Stir with a bar spoon until chilled (approx. 30 seconds). Strain into a chilled rocks glass. Rub lemon twist around the rim and drop into the cocktail for garnish.
This week’s Blitzed Barkeep recommendation literally translates to ‘the French Quarter’ and is a staple drink when one visits the amazing city of New Orleans. Let’s pretend we’ve had one too many Vieux Carres and simulate the game. Drew Brees, back at home, decides to celebrate his new records with the fans on Bourbon St. the night before the game. He doesn’t arrive back home until 4am and shows up to the Superdome smelling of Hurricanes and Sauzeracs. The Rams, realizing Brees isn’t in any shape to throw the ball, stack the box with their now seven former 1st round draft picks and bottle up dynamic duo Alvin Kamara and Mark Ingram. Backup Teddy Bridgewater is forced into action as Drew Brees is too busy lifting his jersey and flashing his shoulder pads for black and gold beads from the fans. A Dixieland band somehow finds its way onto the field and plays ‘When the Saints Go Marching In’ over and over. The Rams pick off Bridgewater three times, overwhelm the partied out New Orleans Saints on both sides of the ball and move to 9-0 by the score of 42-7.
It seems that was all a drunken dream. These smooth Vieux Carre’s can lead to some wicked hallucinations. Drew Brees just doesn’t seem to age and he continues to light up the stat line every week. New Orleans is one of the hottest teams in the league and is at home where they have a clear home field advantage behind the rallying ‘Who Dat’ cry. I learned my lesson by going against them last week in Minnesota. Los Angeles is really, really good but they have been tested of late. I think this is the week they suffer their first loss and the ’72 Dolphins can finally pop that champagne bottle. Final score: New Orleans 40, Los Angeles 33.
Well Blitzers, that’s all from your Blitzed Barkeep for now. Remember to drink responsibly, take Brady’s name in vain and always give your keys to a friend if you’ve had too much. Tune in to the Blitzed NFL podcast this Tuesday to hear the guys review this week’s drink of the week and recap all of the action during Week 9.
AuthorThe Blitzed Barkeep is a #TeamBlitzed All Pro from Bills Mafia. You can follow Blitzed Barkeep on Twitter here.
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Welcome to Week 8, Blitzers. Last week I gave the guys over at Blitzed NFL a Bengal Tiger Martini to review. I have to admit, from a bartender’s point of view, the Blitzed crew's analyses of the drinks were pretty good. However, not everyone is going to enjoy the drink you make (more on that later). The Coach’s assessment of Drew Brees brought a little tear to my eye. No, it had nothing to do with me rubbing my face while cutting lemons for my shift behind the bar. Brees is worthy of every accolade he has accomplished in the NFL and more. In case you’re living under a rock, here are his career stats:
Even better, he has more yards passing than Tom Brady and to this barkeep, anyone who has more than Brady of ANYTHING and didn’t cheat to get it is alright in my book. On top of that, he joined the illustrious 500 TD club this past weekend. So tonight Mr. Brees, your tab is on the Rookie's host replacement last week, the Sub, because his review of my Bengal Tiger Martini left a little to be desired for this Blitzed Barkeep. Let’s move on. Week 7 was so full of shenanigans it makes your Blitzed Barkeep think that some of the players snuck booze into the locker room before the game just to spice things up. First, you had the Fail Mary by Trubisky and Da Bears came up just one yard short. Solution? Make your drink a little stronger and throw the ball INTO the end zone. We all wanted a victory for you against the Evil Empire. Next, argue all you want, but I salute you Tennessee Titans. Down one point, you took your shot and went for two to win the game. I don’t agree with the play call but kudos to you for going after the prettiest girl in the bar. Next time, have a better pick up line and you may come away with the win. Finally, there’s the ugly quarterback situation in Buffalo that every NFL team is envious of. NOT. So far they’ve had two freshman and a guy who graduated college 10 years ago try to hang with the Seniors from the frat house. Long story short, it’s usually going to end with one person holding someone else’s hair over the toilet while the lightweight pukes up the happy hour appetizer. No team’s fan base should be subject to this kind of mismanagement but hey, at least they like to drink! Speaking of drinking, this is ‘Behind the Sticks’ after all. There’s a rematch of a game this week that caused plenty of fans to do plenty of drinking. Allow your Bartender take you back in time to January 14, 2018. With :10 seconds remaining in the NFC Divisional Round game, the Minnesota Vikings were down 24-23 at their own 39 yard line. Case Keenum hits Stefon Diggs down the right sideline for a 61 yard miracle touchdown on a 3rd and 10. Final score 29-24 Minnesota. In honor of this improbable miracle, this week’s Blitzed Barkeep Game of the Week is Sunday Night’s New Orleans Saints (5-1) vs the Minnesota Vikings (4-2-1) rematch. What better way to relive this epic finish that to indulge a few. The Purple Viking 1 oz Southern Comfort 1 oz blue curacao liqueur 1 oz blueberry liqueur 1 oz sloe gin Splash: lime juice Splash: sour mix Club soda Blitzed Build: Combine ingredients EXCEPT soda in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake vigorously. Strain into a high ball glass (or a rocks glass) over rocks, garnish with a lemon. Top with club soda and serve. The next Blitzed Barkeep recommendation comes from land of the Purple People Eaters. Unlike last week, where I recommended the Bengals - Chiefs game, I think this could be one of the games of the year. However, let's partake in the deliciousness of the Purple Viking and simulate the game. Gone from last year’s Miracle in Minnesota is Case Keenum. Clearly, if they still had him in Week 3, they wouldn’t have been throttled by the my offensively intimidating Buffalo Bills 27-6. So, the fact that the Vikings made the mistake of letting Keenum go to Denver and instead opted to sign the less talented, more expensive Kirk Cousins, the New Orleans Saints come marching into town, exact their revenge from last year and run up the score 45-3. Minnesotans run into the street after the game, drunk off the many Purple Vikings they’ve now consumed and begin to channel their inner ancestors of Erik the Red and Leif Eriksson. Minneapolis is in shambles, Viking Horn Helmets and togas are strewn everywhere and semi-naked fans are passed out in disappointment while the city burns behind them. The real story here is that Minnesota signed the coveted free agent that everyone wanted and he’s performed admirably. Case Keenum is struggling to replicate the success he had in Minnesota. This is a primetime game in Minnesota where the fans will be Skol-chanting as loud as ever before. I do not think they will need a Minnesota miracle, nor do I think it will come down to a fluke missed tackle by New Orleans. Drew Brees and company, I love you but I think your winning streak ends here. This Blitzed Barkeep thinks that Minnesota will be victorious 31-27 in a very entertaining game. Purple Vikings for everyone! Well Blitzers, that’s all from your Blitzed Barkeep for now. Remember to drink responsibly, take Brady’s name in vain and always give your keys to a friend if you’ve had too much. Remember to tune in the Blitzed NFL podcast this Tuesday to hear the guys review this week’s drink of the week and recap all of the action during Week 8. AuthorThe Blitzed Barkeep is a #TeamBlitzed All Pro from Bills Mafia. You can follow Blitzed Barkeep on Twitter here. Welcome to Week 7 Team Blitzed! We’ve blinked and the NFL regular season is nearly half way complete. Perhaps the better way to look at it is that certain NFL fans - I’m looking at you Raiders, Giants, Colts, and Cardinals fans - are coming around from a wicked drinking binge to begin the season and realizing they’re already looking forward to next year with one hell of an ‘18 hangover that no amount of Gatorade or Tylenol will cure. Niners fans, I feel for you. You’re that guy that comes in the bar with the beautiful, amazing, well-put-together date that everyone is jealous of. But after a couple drinks and a shot or two, or in NFL terms an ACL tear or two, she gets a little sloppy, loud and starts to belt out a terrible karaoke version of ‘I Would Do Anything for Love’ by Meatloaf. Now, no one at the bar wants to be you anymore. Sure, everyone is rooting for you to overcome the injuries, but if you expect to do the same thing to the Rams that you did to the Packers last week, then I definitely over-served you and it’s time to go - and please take your off-key, hammered girlfriend with you. Ariana Grande, she ain't. But I digress. The reason the Rams are the only remaining undefeated team is because the Kansas City Chiefs ran into the annoying buzz-saw called the New England Cheatriots… er Patriots on Sunday Night Football. The Chiefs offensively were impressive. They racked up 446 yards on 53 plays and averaged an unreal 8.4 yards per play. Mahomes is the real deal. The defense is another story. Clearly they’ve been pre-gaming with Raiders, Giants and Colts fans because they have yet to show up for a game. Additionally, the refs were obviously drunk because they didn’t call a single penalty on the Patriots all night. The Chiefs (5-1) have truly impressed me, even against the hated Patriots and for this reason I have chosen their matchup with the Bengals (4-2) on Sunday Night Football as my Blitzed Barkeep’s Game of the Week. The Bengal’s defense is currently ranked 29th in the NFL allowing 409.2 yards per game. Their pass defense is also on pace to set the team record for yards allowed in a season, having given up 1,818 passing yards through 6 games already. These all seem like reasons why the Bengals are going to be tossing a few back after this game is over. So, what would your Blitzed Barkeep recommend to ease the pain that Patrick Mahomes and Co. could potentially put up at home this week on the Bengals? Funny you should ask… The Bengal Tiger Martini1 ½ oz Brandy ½ oz Cointreau (orange liquor) ½ oz Luxardo Maraschino Cherry Liquor 1 oz pineapple juice Directions: Combine ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake vigorously. Strain into a cocktail glass (or a rocks glass) and serve. Blitzed Build: Freeze Chocolate syrup stripes inside the glass for ten minutes prior to serving to create a Bengal Tiger effect. The first Blitzed Barkeep recommendation comes from Cincinnati. The feeling here is that the Bengals are in for a long night Week 7. Let’s play devil’s advocate, pour yourselves one and close your eyes for a second though. The drink has almost the same color hair as the Red Rifle Andy Dalton. He did send a team to the playoffs last year (not his own, however - Buffalo thanks you Mr. Dalton) so he performs well under pressure and on the road. As I said before, KC doesn’t really play defense so if the Bengals can convince the refs to come drinking again, they may have a chance! A stop here, a turnover there and we have a Bengals upset on the road, 35-34. Apparently two or three of these martinis make you delirious. The reality is that the Chiefs simply have too much firepower for this Bengals defense to overcome. This bartender has been around long enough to know that no amount of alcohol will give this Bengals offense confidence to keep up and the Chiefs will want payback for last week’s loss. Without drinking any Bengal Tiger Martinis, I’ll take Kansas City in this one 45-31. That’s all from your Blitzed Barkeep for now. Remember to drink responsibly, take Brady’s name in vain and always give your keys to a friend if you’ve had too much. And make sure you tune in to Blitzed NFL on Tuesday to hear the guys review the Bengal Tiger Martini. Follow the @Blitzed_Barkeep on Twitter AuthorBlitzed Barkeep. You can follow Blitzed Barkeep on Twitter. |